By Sherri Stevens

Humans have exhaustible resources. Have you learned that yet? Or are you still in the burnt-out, trying-to-be-everything-for-everyone phase? Stop trying to please everyone! YOU'RE NOT TEQUILA!

In the blog article Choosing Friends Wisely, we looked at the topic of discernment and the types of people we should avoid or at least beware of. We looked specifically at the passage in Matthew 7 when Jesus was teaching his disciples "how" to make judgments. He gave them this admonition: "Don't give what is sacred to dogs. Don't cast your pearls before swine; otherwise, they will trample them underfoot and turn around and tear you to pieces" (Matt. 7:6). He wasn't talking about actual dogs and pigs. He was talking about people. He was teaching a parable emphasizing how to evaluate the character to whom we offer our "pearls." (For more about discerning our choice of friends, please look at the blog article Choosing Friends Wisely).

In this article, we will look at how to guard our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." This is a key verse if we want to protect our peace, energy, and resources. There has been such an emphasis on "Choosing Love" that many of us have forgotten that love has limits. Many of us have become completely tapped out and trampled upon trying to "love our neighbor." Love is good! We are commanded to love everyone (friends and foes), but love has limits. This article will take a comprehensive look at what the Bible teaches regarding healthy boundaries.

SUCKERS AND SUPPLIERS

If you are a responsible, capable, and caring individual, chances are that many people will treat you as if you were wearing an "S" on your chest. People around us may expect us to be their Savior or Superhero. We may even feel obligated to try and act as another person's Savior thinking that we aren't "loving" if we don't. However, the truth is that none are qualified to play anyone else's Savior. There is only one Savior, Jesus Christ. 

If we haven't adopted the "Savior" role in another person's life, we often settle for acting as their "Supplier." Proverbs 31 says, "The leech has two daughters 'Give me! Give me!'" If you've got a supply, I can guarantee you that you've got a Sucker (or two) scheming a way how they can suck you dry!

Have you ever heard of a sucker shoot? These are sprouts that appear at a tree's base or from its roots. Horticulturists call them "suckers" because they siphon nutrients that would otherwise go to the main tree. In the same way, when we have suckers attached to us, they suck the essential nutrients we need to flourish and thrive. Beware of the suckers in your life! You may need to get out your pruning shears.

In John 15:5, Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing." But sometimes branches try to suck sap from other branches (us). But we are di-branches. He is Di-vine! We have limited resources. He is limitless. If we try to support or sustain another branch out of the limited resources of our life's limb, our souls will eventually wither and die. As branches, we need to learn to abide in The Vine, who is inexhaustible.

In sticking with the horticultural metaphor, Jesus tells another parable about a fig tree: “A certain man had a fig tree that had been planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it but did not find any; so he said to the vineyard-keeper, ‘For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree and have found none. Cut it down! Why does it even use up the ground [depleting the soil and blocking the sunlight]?’ But he replied to him, ‘Let it alone, sir, [just] one more year until I dig around it and put in fertilizer; and if it bears fruit after this, fine; but if not, cut it down.’” - Luke 16:6-9 Amp.

It requires wisdom and discernment to recognize people who may be depleting our soil and blocking our sunlight. If you have an individual doing that, consider cutting them out of your life so that you can be more fruitful and flourish.

MORE PARABLES ABOUT GOD AS OUR SOURCE

We read of other Biblical parables emphasizing how we need to seek God for life and sustenance rather than rely on human beings. In John 4, we read the story of a woman who came to fill her water jar at a well. Jesus prophecied to her, "It is true you have had five husbands, and the man you are with now isn't even your husband." He said, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Often, we try to fill our "water jar" from a source other than God. We may attempt to satisfy our thirst by dipping into and drinking from another person's broken cistern.  But only Jesus can truly offer us Living Water! People are broken. God is bottomless. It isn't a coincidence that this story is about a woman who was trying to fill her bucket from a well and who was also a woman who was divorced five times and was with yet another man. It is suggestive that we try to make other people our soul's source and sustenance rather than Jesus, the Living Water. 

In Matthew 25, we read the parable of five foolish virgins and five wise virgins who went out to meet the bridegroom: “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

At midnight, the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’ “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’" - Matt. 25:1-9. 

This parable is a prime example of how we all have a responsibility to "buy oil for ourselves" and not borrow from or burden others with fulfilling our daily duties or supplying our spiritual needs. The Holy Spirit is the only inexhaustible source of spiritual oil. Our human oil lamps have limitations. We can only hold so much. Let's consider further what the Bible teaches us about personal responsibility.

WHAT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY, AND WHAT'S YOURS?

We are responsible "to" others and "for" ourselves. Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ." People around us may sometimes experience "burdens" that are too big to bear. They need more strength, resources, or knowledge to carry the load, and they need help. Doing for others what they cannot do for themselves shows Christ's sacrificial love. This is being responsible "to" another person. However, problems arise when people act like their "daily loads" are boulders they shouldn't have to carry. This irresponsibility can be used to manipulate or guilt people around them into doing their work for them.

On the other hand, Galatians 6:5 says that "each one should carry his own load." Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. These things are our own particular "load" that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. We must take ownership of certain life aspects that are our "load."

The Greek words for burden and load give us insight into the meaning of these texts. The Greek word for burden means "excess burdens," or burdens so heavy that they weigh us down. These burdens are like boulders. They can crush us. We need help with giant boulders—those times of crisis and tragedy.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means "cargo" or "the burden of daily toil." This word describes the everyday things we all need to do. These loads are like backpacks. We are expected to carry our own backpacks. It is each of our responsibility to manage our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has given to each one of us. It is not our responsibility to subsidize another person's irresponsibility. We can help carry one another's burdens (boulders), but we each have a responsibility to carry our own load.

GOD ORDAINED BOUNDARIES

Have you ever considered that boundaries are the way God conducts his business? Think about The Garden of Eden. After Adam and Eve sinned, God banished them from his garden: "So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life." - Gen 3:23-24

Or how about the way God separated the land and the sea: “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? - Job 38:8-11

We also see how God separated the light from the dark. All through Scripture, we see that boundaries are God's idea. God is not a proponent of muddy mixtures and chaos but of clarity and separation. We humans, designed in His image, are ordained to operate with healthy boundaries. Let's look at how God instructed people to acknowledge and honor boundaries in the Old Testament.

PROPERTY LINES AND PERSONAL PROPERTY IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

The overwhelming perspective of the Bible upholds private property rights. As early as Abraham (Genesis 23:17-18), God's people are shown buying and selling all kinds of property. Moreover, the laws God gave to Israel concerning property assume individual ownership. We could even conclude that the tenth commandment (Exodus 20:17: "You shall not covet your neighbor's house") makes property ownership a sacred right. Everyone must be satisfied with what God has blessed him with and not crave what his neighbor owns. Consider also the eighth commandment: "Thou shall not steal." This commandment implies that we are to honor and respect the personal property of others.

Bits of biblical property law appear throughout the Old Testament, as in Deuteronomy 19:14: "You shall not remove your neighbor's landmark, which the men of old have set, in your inheritance which you will inherit in the land..." Simply put, each individual (or family) owned specific plots of land whose boundaries were not to be violated.

YOU ARE A TEMPLE, NOT A TRASHCAN

If we had a better revelation that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit and not a trashcan, we would certainly be less likely to allow other people to treat us the way we allow them to treat us. The Old Testament offers us great insight into the qualified access three divisions or types of people had in entering various areas of the Temple.

According to God's vetting model, He only granted access to the most sacred part of the Temple to the most qualified. The Israelites could enter the court only, and the priests could serve in the Holy Place. Only the high priest was allowed to enter the Holy of Holies, but only once a year—on the Day of Atonement.

If we were to model access to our most sacred space the way God did the Temple, we would only allow a limited number of qualified and trusted people to enter it. Guarding our hearts involves identifying those who demonstrate integrity so that we can invite them into our inner sanctum. If people prove themselves to be reckless, irresponsible, or untrustworthy, it is only reasonable to limit our access and exposure to them.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I hope this blog has offered you some valuable insight into what is expected of you as a limited but loving human being. False guilt is a weight too heavy for you to carry around! You may feel inspired to "fire" some people in your life or invite others in, but however you choose to engage with your fellow sojourners remember this: Givers need gates because greed knows no boundaries. 

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